I always been a big girl, always been heavier in the wrong parts of my body, I never know how it feel to wear a size lower then 22-28, I came out the womb chubby and It stunk with me my whole life sometimes it okay with I been like this, but sometimes it just make me scared.
Growing, being pick on because I was big was one of my problems I had to deal with, it didn't matter that I was always dress and had the newest brands that was out there, no because, of my size I was a target. In 6th grade is when it got bad for me and wrist because I wasn't skinny names was getting throw at me (fat ass, largie, piggy, ) it was mostly the boys who use to bully me and telling was getting no where it felt like it got worst, after a while i felt like God just played me but I never lost faith. Doing that year getting pick at a lot for no reason just because I was FAT. It was a mess with I didn't try to show it but when I felt the most depress and lonly, the worst year of my life I was not ok and just being of that year I was really not the some how I showed to the people around me.
Around sixteen-seventeen I tried really bad diet, like only drink milk in the morning and orange juice at night, to just drinking lemon-lime water and on weekends don't eat or drink nothing at all; but sent I was always hanging out with friends, going out and school I let them be my excuse to not eating I was to bust(but really wasn't that busy) i was losing the weight and stop when I felt sick when I started to eat again I would gain that weight that I lost from not eating even with limited food and exercise.
Three years ago I got wrost, my weight got no where and my depression deepin: I was always trying to lose weight then when I felt like it got no where, I did what I thought was right and I started to throw up everything I ate say I was going to use the bathroom and puke up any and everything that would come up until it couldn't come up no more even when the taste was bad I didn't care I still did it, I seen the result I wanted too. I was eating stop at a time but still before brush my teeth go and throw everything up until my stomach felted empty, it was about 5 months I start to get sick a lot and I was the person the barely got sick even when everybody around me was, started to feel more weak physically and mentally even emotionally I was not me at all being dizzy and light headed, after I did try to stop, but it was coming back even me eating healthy and stopping at the right time trying not to over do anything, but about 3 months ago I couldn't get anything right now my head for me and I felted like this is for the best so I stop eating I put nothing to my month but water and that was some time too, even though it was for a month and I was feeling the same way with the throwing yo I was getting some where, it I'd get hard when my mom caught on and she try her best to talk me out of it but I was not listening I just wanted to go and take the easy way, even when she told me sister and she try to say some things to get me to listen to reason I was already in it and I didn't care how they felt or what they said I was going to do it, I didn't Starr to go back to eating though and when I go to far and feel like I'm going back to that place where I was comfortable with I do call my mom and just let her pray for me or she just listen to me worry, because I still now and then get to the point where i need to throw it up or I need stop eating: I still struggle and it hurts but Everyday is a struggle and more then what people can think it is hard and sometime the only to think is to stop eating or drinking or throw up but I work past it everyday and worth the help of my family and friend who know about it I can do better I just keep praying, loving and laughing and get though what i can to feel better about my self to get my self confidence back to how but use to be and being the bright smiley girl I love being.
And if anyone going thought this and you got someone who would listen and not hide u but just be there with you to not tell u it stupid but to help u though it, don't push them away cuz they hurting just llike you knowing they can't get close enough to understand it... I have an great support system and I just try my best to keep my self healthy for them.
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