Hopeless romantic

AN ETERNAL OPIMIST, ALWAYS BELIEVING IN THE POWER OF LOVE AND ROMANCE  AS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT IN HUMAN EXISTENCE.

This saying is so me, I always think it a potion out there that we all need to know -like really know where is true love at.   Love to me mean inhaling so much  breathe in your body that it hurt your chest then when you finally breathe out your body go relax, as if you on cloud nine. I grew up always wanted to feel a love that was a fight to proof it was right.

I look at old movies like My fair lady, Roman holiday, About time, Romeo and Juliet, Breakfast at tiffany's, West side story, any of Nicholas sparks movies, he just knew how to spark up a girl heart, and also any Disney princess movies falling for prince charming  who recuse you from something (just notice mostly it was a evil stepmother), mahogany and my list go's on and on and on and on-you see a lot of my love movies is mostly the man coming to get the girl he know is the one for him and not trying to play hard to get just come and say he want her and he will do anything to get her. love- falling in love, even looking at love anywhere with anything I coo over, also you can see old fashion love is my thing; is it so wrong to want  a old fashion love man-no- one that come knock on your door "hello excuse me miss, but I wanted to know to if I can take you out on a lovely dinner of your choice of course"( James Dean, Paul Varjak charm) or one that old come and introduce himself to your parents to make you feel comfortable. Its going to be hard to find someone like that in  2019, where being a gentleman mean not having a back bone or being a punk, wouldn't it be better just falling in love with a Him(Her reference ) a smart device that know you already, one that you can talk to about anything, have the same interest  because they your files, basically you talking to yourself just with a different voice and sound.

I grown up around seeing romance , my mom and dad was the two most coo, nasty( but in a good way)  romantics, they way they love each other and talk about how they loved  and when you look in their eyes you can see that love they had for one another, even if they got into a big fight my dad would say he sorry first and my mom would say she still mad trying her best to show the most ugly saddest face but couldn't because a warm smile would hit her face so fast-breathe taking- they would tell us about how they met and how my dad would not stop trying to get her, even when she wouldn't talk to him(being fake shy) and how he would wait for her to walk to her door before he would leave and how he showed off his money- that she say didn't really impress her one bit, I would love to listen about them all the time when my sisters and brothers would walk away getting tired of hearing what they love was because they heard it some many times and would love to hear it over and over again even until this day sometimes I would listen to my mom talk about how they would be together forever, even until that my dad left us after 30- something years of marriage she still talk about the love they shared and understanding they had. I do sometimes see why im a hopeless romance because I seen it in my house hold for a long time, i still don't understand sometimes why it will never really be again or why it not a thing but i will always have my hope up because i think and always will think  that THE LOVE YOU GIVE IS THE LOVE YOU DESERVE. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

          

 

 

   

 

 

why no pic, im just saying.

hey, my readers but not so followers, how have y'all holidays been? did y'all bring in the new years right? i know it the end of the new years month and im talking to y'all about it but this is something im been doing with everything, being late and not on time with a lot of stuff, but i am getting better at it, i still been great; I been having a really wonderful winter after all this time of having a green nice  winter, Mr. frosty want to come and say hi in Syracuse and make everybody love him even more. I do love the winter, but i don't love the winter lol; when i was younger i was always into hot coco and watching TV with my family or even by myself, but now when you on the run all the time trying to get things done it not the best time to be happy about the snow...or that just me...., ok so getting to what i really want to talk about, i been looking at my blog and seeing that i haven't been putting pictures of me on here and this also me but when i look at someone blog about fashion, health, beauty etc, i always want to look at the pictures of them to see if anything change or is it working on them the way they say it is or sometimes pictures just much better; I don't even read the post sometimes,  only go for the pics; but what if they had a meaning behind the picture I would never knew because I just go and look at the picture. I thought about it and I didn't want people to just look at my pics and not see if I had a promising saying/ meaning behind it. Remember reading a book with no pics so u had to imagine or create a picture in your head of what they was saying, that what I'm some-what trying to do, even though some of the post I make have nothing to do with picture lately. I don't want to be them- the viewers that think everything we do we have to show some image for it,  people can go by what they think; David Glover when he made 'This is American' when ask about it he really don't gave a explanation, he want you to put it how you see it: and the fact that it came out really good, deep-felt meaning to a lot of people(just not African Americans). I want to show a side of me in my blog that shows sometimes I just love to talk and say things that have no meaning or having nothing to do with nothing, but it just fun to put it out there-have a different opinion about thing. I'm talk about anything, I do believe that pictures is worth a thousand words-most of the time, sometimes you can look at a picture and see nothing but a picture(it need to be explain when that happens) some people want you to put your own opinion to it , even us blogger just want someone to think what they want, when they see us post a picture ( David Glover effect). I mean it a big deal even if people think it not because to me pictures is not saying much and saying really do helps a lot.

                                                                            

                                                     P.S, pictures will be back but now I like just talking and saying how I feel and what on my mind, to my readers but not followers.

    

BGM) Being strong make you a leader but power minded make you a CEO.

 

                                                           

Winter favorites and skin care

the winter is here and it not fair ....to my skin( i was trying my dr. seuss, it didn't work) but, it true it never do right by my skin, sometimes i don't want to do a lot of work to my skin so it don't dry out when the cold air hits it; that just to much work to make sure it so hydrated.
I carry a big bag all the time with me, but in the winter its bigger; i always get told off by my family or friends that i carry to much that is unnecessary, but they just don't understand that i cant just make it without half of the things in my bag. lol

my winter care and needs for my skin.
I'm going to tell of what carry with me for my winter it's a most have always for me.

• Nivea lip balm, i love lip balm that have a tint to it so i try to always get one that have it, the prettyness that ur lips look when you put it on also chap ice rosy tint.

• Olay  regenerist luminous facial oil, i start using this last year my first time having this and i fall in love with it and if they dont have this one and/or i use miracle boost one that i also just love the how the bottle look

• Collagen anti-aging cream, i put this around my eyes, use it for eye cream; it nice and it do help me with my dark circles       

     

•  Skin brightening intensive moisturizer i use for my whole face and coco butter for when your ladyhood (time of the month) is here and them zip pimple make little dark spots on your skin i put that on until i see them little annoying things leaving my face.

• Shea butter cream cleanser, this it what i wash my face with in the winter, first time using it i just love how it looked  on my skin like this cute white shimmer,
•        AMBI complexion cleansing  bar, i love this as well, in a week tops after using i did start seeing the dark spots mostly from my ladyhood leave and i just thought it was the best and i needed this all the time.

 I  was also about my skin because like i talk about in resent post im a big girl so some stuff should be right with me and it was always my teeth and skin. i do love the winter but really i cant deal with the dryness of it.

 im saying winter but im also using this it just that in the winter it better.

 

     

MY thanksgiving

My thanksgiving went great, everything went as plan,  cooked rice, chicken, baked Mac and cheese, baked beans, yams with marshmallows, roast with cut up carrots,  potato and greens, with chicken dip and banana pudding for dessert (still didnt get no new camera and wasn't thinking to do it with my phone lol that happen yo everyone... Right) but I had a lovely time with friends and family it was all smiles and laughter.
I wasn't able to see a lot of my family and friends so I just sent them gift cards from paperless post, it is good u make a account and send greeting cards and invites to whoever u want to,  it's great
Paperlesspost. com

I'm thankful for being here and breathing everyday i wake up, thankful for my family and friends that i talk too.
Hope everyone also had a happy thanksgiving.
https://www.paperlesspost.com

big girl magic (BGM)

I went though hell and back to get to love myself like I use to, having the confidence to be happy within me, become more powerful with me even though im still struggling with my eating disorder. I try my best to just go and be free as much as I can.

Being a BIG GIRL was a always for me. I never thought howhow it would be, to be skinny or to have no stomach when I was little, because I always had one. You see my other post I talked about going though the hard part of my eating disorder, I was going about it the wrong way, even if it took me sometime getting back comfortable with who I was and love myself more again I was still better then before. I'm happy-I am and I listen to myself more now and understand more now, even though I still have thoughts and feels;  I still can go that far, I still don't let myself drift away from my determination and good thoughts, clam myself, think everything over, breath in and out, and just relax. now I am and proud of how I made a decision I better my well being and mind. I still go though thoughts yeah I said that a lot only because it true, its was there and taking over everything sometimes it only effect me when im thinking about it to much: I try my best to never go as far as  just thinking about it but I know what I want, to better myself and I know I can do that. I'm happy im getting back to me DONVONTA.





big girl magic is my brand, my life, what make me-me, it show lights on what people find to be their weakest and make it their strength, (BGM)is for the empowering and inspiring woman, the big girl stand for everything; for all shape, size, race, color, and age, I want this name(BGM) to be a voice to all and to be a place where being you don't have no say, no judgement, only hope, freedom to be you, and strength of a natural woman.

Never have i ever been a size ten in my whole life

I always been a big girl,  always been heavier in the wrong parts of my body,  I never know how it feel to wear a size lower then 22-28,  I came out the womb chubby and It stunk with me my whole life sometimes it okay with I been like this,  but sometimes it just make me scared.

Growing,  being pick on because I was big was one of my problems I had to deal with,  it didn't matter  that I was always dress and had the newest brands that was out there,  no because, of my size I was a target. In 6th grade is when it got bad for me and wrist because I wasn't skinny names was getting throw at me (fat ass,  largie,  piggy, ) it was mostly the boys who use to bully me and telling was getting no where it felt like it got worst,  after a while i felt like God just played me but I never lost faith.  Doing that year getting pick at a lot for no reason just because I was FAT.  It was a mess with I didn't try to show it but when I felt the most depress and lonly,  the worst year of my life I was not ok and just being of that year I was really not the some how I showed to the people around me.
Around sixteen-seventeen I tried really bad diet,  like only drink milk in the morning and orange juice at  night,  to just drinking lemon-lime water and on weekends don't eat or drink nothing at all; but sent I was always hanging out with friends,  going out and school I let them be my excuse to not eating I was to bust(but really wasn't that busy) i was losing the weight and stop when I felt sick when I started to eat again I would gain that weight that I lost from not eating even with limited food and exercise.
Three years ago I got wrost,  my weight got no where and my  depression deepin:  I was always trying to lose weight then when I felt like it got no where, I did what I thought was right and I started to throw up everything I ate say I was going to use the bathroom and puke up any and everything that would come up until it couldn't come up no more even when the taste was bad I didn't care I still did it,  I seen the result I wanted too.  I was eating stop at a time but still before brush my teeth go and throw everything up until my stomach felted empty, it was about 5 months I start to get sick a lot and I was the person the barely got sick even when everybody around me was,  started to feel more weak physically and mentally even emotionally I was not me at all being dizzy and light headed,  after I did try to stop, but it was coming back even me eating healthy and stopping at the right time trying not to over do anything,  but about 3 months ago I couldn't get anything right now my head for me and I felted like this is for the best so I stop eating I put nothing to my month but water and that was some time too,  even though it was for a month  and I was feeling the same way with the throwing yo I was getting some where,  it I'd get hard when my mom caught on and she try her best to talk me out of it but I was not listening I just wanted to go and take the easy way,  even when she told me sister and she try to say some things to get me to listen to reason I was already in it and I didn't care how they felt or what they said I was going to do it,  I didn't Starr to go back to eating though and when I go to far and feel like I'm going back to that place where I was comfortable with I do call my mom and just let her pray for me or she just listen to me worry,  because I still now and then  get to the point where i need to throw it up or I need stop eating:  I still struggle and it hurts but Everyday is a struggle and more then what people can think it is hard and sometime the only to think is to stop eating or drinking or throw up but I work past it everyday and worth the help of my family and friend who know about it I can do better I just keep praying,  loving and laughing and get though what i can  to feel better about my self to get my self confidence back to how but use to be and being the bright smiley girl I love being.

And if anyone going thought this and you got someone who would listen and not hide u but just be there with you to not tell u it stupid but to help u though it,  don't push them away cuz they hurting just llike you knowing they can't get close enough to understand it...  I have an great support system and I just try my best to keep my self healthy for them.

OK.... my health... mental

I been trying to find the best way to talk about what I'm been going though, I was trying to figure out how to control it and how I will handle it ,it is hard to talk about to people it is very hard to even come out and tell someone that the way u feel it think is not normal; I try my best to keep it from people and my family putting on an smile and laughing when sometime u just want to cry and scream and I know I'm not a person that get angry really fast or get angry at all but sometimes it come out and I can't hold it back and when I do I get angry at that.

Growing up if u bring up being bipolar it was an excuse of just wanted to be yelling or if u bring up depression it was an excuse for being lazy or not wanted to do nothing, it was never nothing to it, to say it real because it was a excuse.

I didn't know what I was going though I thought I was going thru menopause or something I didn't know; my mom was the one who told me, asking me what hung on and me explaining to her how I feel about everything she told me I should go and see someone about it, I do feel embarrassed but she comfort me and even cry with me, I knew I was feeling some way and didn't know why but I know I didn't want it to be and excuse: going to get check and talk to me doctor I did found out I had bipolar depression after looking it up and seeing some of what people was going though it was scary I was scared I didn't want to go though that ,really feeling like why ate u here and what the point of living is the most terrifying thing in the world, there really no one that can help and I really can't explain it to others because sometimes it just an because feeling I really can't control it even when I want to I can't it pain my heart that I really have no control over my thoughts sometimes and actions, it like even if I want to smile or laugh or be me who I use to be I cry more.

MY GETTING BETTER
I am getting better with my emotions and how to control them, everyday don't try to gather all of my thoughts to much and think to much of how I should be, it can hard and a little struggle but i with the help of my mom and talking to someone I go about my day and try to live as clean mind as I can. I try to not thinking of it as and excuse anymore.